File:BDD Reflection.jpg

Inspired by David Kavaler's excellent series called "Secrets" and a question from a reader about my body dysmorphia.

I tried re-creating his dramatic lighting (it really makes the "secrets" feel like secrets) but was horribly unsuccessful. Really should have considered a lighting challenge instead of a homage/recreation challenge...

My "secret" might not be a surprise to any of my readers, but with a little Photoshop, I can show you how I see myself in the mirror:

Skinny, underdeveloped, small, yet fat in places. Completely undesirable.

It probably sounds silly, but I've had breakdowns over how small I feel. My BDD isn't as bad as it used to be. It helps that "I know" I'm not skinny and am constantly trying to affirm how happy I am with my progress. It's still a problem, and sometimes it gets the best of me.