File:James Winthrop Andrews to Fanny Appleton, 10 February 1841 (4d863748-c392-4622-b497-dcd46f19f0eb).jpg

Manuscript letter

Archives Number: 1011/002.002-002#001

I must Miss Appleton plead imperative necessity, as my apology for thus addressing you. I have waited long and anxiously for another, and more usual mode to declare my sentiments; and have deviated with extreme reluctance from rules of etiquette to which I should commonly, strictly adhere. But I have waited in vain. My intentions have been thwarted by causes beyond my control, and which I will not weary you by now recounting. New obstacles (almost incredible) have incessantly arisen to oppose my plans, and defeat my wishes. No alternative is left me. “Desperate diseases require the use of desperate remedies.” And with the struggling, writhing, heart, the forms of etiquette, are as “airy nothings.” –
This whole affair has had a novel cast,
And like a romance must be carried out.
I feel constrained therefore in duty to you, (if as sincere as I believe you to be) to declare sentiments, which otherwise you could not positively know. It is necessary also to relieve my mind of the painful suspense that now distracts me, and to obtain that certainty, which this explanation can alone establish. For I am constantly the prey of excitement and anxiety, which almost cause
Reason to reel, and totter on her throne.
Even therefore should my most cherished hopes be doomed to disappointment, I shall scarcely be left in a worse condition.
To you I have thought,
I need not tell the story of my love.
[p. 2] I have supposed that in regard to the sincerity of my attachment, I have left no room for doubt. And from the evidences I have seen on your part, I have flattered myself that I had good grounds for hope. I have believed that our sentiments have shown themselves as reciprocal, and in a manner, stronger than language could express.
But firm as our belief may have been, our sentiments have never yet been formally made known to each other; and the present is the only mode I can adopt, to ascertain your feelings, by first candidly disclosing my own.
Pardon me then, indeed, you must,
For your bright charms do drive me to this step.
Those diamond eyes, and lips of ruby hue,
And golden smile, and mind and heart so pure,
Attract me more, than Magnets can the Steel.
You are all precious in my loving eyes,
No price can win you other than true love,
That price, I now do offer from my heart,
Will you accept it, and then plight your faith
Of love, for love?
Besides however the reasons I have already assigned for the extraordinary step I have taken, I have others of the greatest consequence to urge in extenuation. I fear, (and it is no idle fear) that there are spies abroad, watching me in my daily walks, whose scrutiny I can hardly elude, and who will be ready, either to stigmatize me, as pursuing a shadow, a phantom of the brain, - as being
A moons truck man, or else, a silly dupe
[p. 3] Or what I dread far more, they will with curious eye, and ruthless hand, search for the object that attracts me, to cast reproach on her. For the tongue of the censorious is ever busy, and the eye of scandal never sleeps. – On this account, and on account of the very recent death of an Uncle, and the intelligence I have received of the illness of a beloved brother, prudence, propriety, and my own feelings, dictate, that I should keep as far as I can, in retirement.
Though forced to be often away,
While absent I cannot forget,
Believe my, my heart ne’er can stray
From the object on which it is set.
But without this explanation, my absence would have appeared unaccountable, or my motives have been misunderstood. –
You will not, cannot blame me then for wishing to bring this matter to a close. If sincere, as I cannot doubt you are, you will not censure me for the course I have pursued. And if not sincere, Oh! most improbable supposition! it is indeed time, that I should be undeceived. It is then high time, that I should be released from the toils of a strange and sad delusion. Should you come to the favorable decision I ardently hope for, may beg in indication of the auspicious result, for a continuance of those kindly tokens with which I have hitherto been favored. – Tokens which have been thus far the interpreters, and the evidences of our thoughts.
And if you show consent to tread
With me, the thorny road of life,
[p. 4] Then I am yours, and yours alone,
Till death shall part.
Continuing to wait with all the patience I can summon, for the proper time to arrive, that shall crown my wishes.
If on the contrary your decision should be unfavorable, nothing but accident shall ever again bring me in your sight. I will then forever forsake those walks, which for you alone, I have been accustomed to frequent. Nay more, I will as soon as possible forever quit this city, a place that thence forth would bring to my mind only unhappy recollections.
In closing this communication, I have to regret that I have found it necessary to extend it to such a length. But what I have felt obliged to say could not be contained within a smaller compass. And you will have discovered from the reasons given, that longer silence on my part was quite impossible. I have now placed myself without reservation completely in your power – trusting entirely to that sense of honor, which ever glows purely and brightly in the breast of a noble woman. I have fully and frankly avowed my sentiments, I confide them to you, and to you alone. No human being knows, nor can know, that I have addressed, or intended to address you. Almost all who are near and dear to me are now in Europe. And I entreat, I conjure, and depend on you, [p. 5] as a high minded and noble woman – as high minded and noble in my opinion as ever existed – that you will never reveal to any one, not even to your own sister, that I have made this declaration. This injunction to secresy [sic] is of more importance than you probably imagine. Nor have you ever dreamed of what I have endured on your account from harassed thought, from wounded pride, and tortured sensibilities. – I here allude to the trials I have suffered, not to move your pity, but as proofs of constancy.
Tis not for pity, but for love I sue.
Nor could I value as a very precious boon, a lady’s hand, whose heart was not included in the gift.
If as sincere as I believe you to be, you will readily observe this injunction to secresy [sic], - and even if insincere – if you have with more skill than conscience, used the arts of coquetry to insnare [sic], - I yet still trust, you will scorn to betray the confidence reposed.
Having given this note in charge to a trusty messenger (wholly unacquainted with its contents) I now have only to await the result. After a few days absence, I shall on my return, look with a throbbing heart for the usual tokens, which if shown, or withheld, will for “weal, or for woe,” seal my fate! It will then be for you to determine, whether the residence of [p. 6] my life, shall be passed in the sunshine of all worldly happiness, or whether gloom and disappointment shall cloud my future prospects. It will then be settled, whether true, - true as attractive – you are endowed with those high and noble qualities with which my imagination has invested you – or whether – But I can go no further, I cannot conclude this sentence, I cannot carry out this train of thought – I cannot believe that one so fair without, could be as false within. I cannot permit a doubt of your sincerity to darken my mind. And as soon should I look for demons now in angel’s shapes, as have belief in your duplicity. It cannot be you ever will prove false,
It cannot be, I know thee well,
I mean thine heart, I know
Thine eye, and smile, and manner tell
Thou never canst prove so.
Such is the full belief of
James Winthrop Andrews
observing that words could be read on the outside when this was folded, I have been obliged to enclose a peice [sic] of blank paper to conceal the writing –
Boston Feby 10th 1841.

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