English subtitles for clip: File:4 Psychological Facts About Kissing.webm

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Kissing is something that carries

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a surprising amount of importance in our daily lives.

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We recall our first kisses, we kiss our children,

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we flirt with kisses, we sympathize with kisses,

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we are intimate through kisses.

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But what is happening psychologically
when we kiss each other?

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Here are four interesting psychological facts about kissing.

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Number one:

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You are subconsciously analyzing a potential partner.

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Humans are not the only creatures that kiss.

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Primates do it as well.

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Humans have multiple uses for a kiss,
whereas primates have few.

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However, like primates, kissing also serves as an
instinctual and subconscious function.

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Kissing bridges the gap between our
visual analysis of our potential mate

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and our sexual analysis of our mate.

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In the immortal words of Cher,

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"If you wanna know who loves you

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it's in his kiss".

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Cher might not have known it when the song was written,

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but science actually backs up her claim.

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Essentially, according to Wlodarski and Dunbar, 

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kissing helps us decide subconsciously
whether or not our partner will make a good mate.

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It's not uncommon for people to complain or rejoice over

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the quality of their partner's kissing abilities.

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What they do not realize is that

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their brains are communicating to them that

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they and their partner are a good sexual match.

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Number two:

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You are bonding with your partner.

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Kissing is somewhat essential to romantic relationships.

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Some people may require less physical attention
or maybe even avoid it as a result of past trauma,

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but for the majority outside of these  
exceptional circumstances,

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kissing releases neuropeptides, including

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oxytocin and vasopressin,

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dopamine, and opioids,

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which have all been variously associated
with human pair bonding.

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This means that kissing brings you and your partner closer.

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This truly shows the importance of kissing
on a physical level as it affects both partners.

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Going a long time without kissing
can have an effect on the bond between partners.

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Long-distance relationships and couples with 

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a partner who travels will struggle with this often.

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Luckily there are ways aside from kissing
to maintain a bond between partners.

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If you find yourself in a relationship

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in which you are close to your partner often,

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make sure to kiss them as frequently as you can.

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This can go a long way in ensuring
the romantic aspect of your relationship stays alive.

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Number three:

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Motives for kissing affect relationship satisfaction.

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Whereas kissing for goal attainment or insecurity

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was more present in relationships with
lesser relationship satisfaction,

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sexual or relational kissing is when
your motivation for kissing is influenced by passion.

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This can be a kiss that is sexually charged,

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a kiss out of love,

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a gentle kiss out of boredom or comfort with your partner

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or a kiss that comes from sympathy.

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This all communicates passion to your partner.

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It communicates genuine love and attachment to your partner.

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And it should never be one-sided.

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Both partners should feel just as passionately
to ensure a greater chance at relationship satisfaction.

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The other motivation is far less likely to
communicate healthy love and attachment.

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Attainment and/or insecurity kissing is when your motivation

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for kissing is influenced by a degree of desperation.

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Kissing for attainment would be using a kiss
to soften someone enough to get your way.

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If you only kiss your partner when you want something
or think it'll help you get you out of trouble

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when you've done something wrong to your partner,

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they'll pick up on this and it will hurt the relationship.

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That being said, there could be
a range of factors in the relationship

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that would affect why one or more of the partners
would learn this behavior.

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Attainment or insecurity kissing can also refer to
kissing someone as revenge,

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kissing someone to boost self-esteem or reputation,

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or kissing someone to make someone jealous.

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Number four:

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Kissing is like a drug.

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Have you ever felt like you're addicted to kissing someone?

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It turns out that there are
numerous psychological reasons for this.

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We discussed the release of chemicals
that promote pair bonding,

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but one hormone that we did not touch on was cortisol.

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A study by Wendy L. Hill and Carrie A. Wilson
found that cortisol levels decreased,

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which essentially meant that kissing can de-stress you.

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But how did we get to the point that kisses
are addictive to the human race and no other species?

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Author and zoologist Desmond Morris proposed that

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humans evolved to enjoy kissing

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and to release good hormones each time

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as a result of the way early humans would've fed.

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That's with mothers chewing up their food
and feeding it to their young lips to lips.

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This would partly explain why we feel good,
especially less stressed.

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And Desmond Morris proposed historical context:

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"Kissing comes as a relief
from hunger and therefore safety".

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Today, that primal hormonal response persists as 

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kissing gives us a sense of relief, comfort, and safety.

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It's no wonder that we might compare it
when we're in love to being addicted.

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It provides us with such a strong relief,

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as if kisses from our partner are drugs.

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We can even look to music to see
how prominent this idea is,

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as we can find the metaphor of love or kisses

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being like a drug again and again.

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"Your Love Is My Drug" by Kesha,

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"Can't Feel My Face" by The Weeknd,

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and "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis and the News,

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to name a few examples.

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Kissing is fascinating in the numerous ways
it affects us psychologically.

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We can use it to heal and to hurt.

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We don't always consider how powerful a kiss can be.

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It's interesting to consider how, as a species,

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we've adapted to kissing as a psychological and social tool.

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Did you and your partner know you are a sexual match
from the first kiss?

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Let us know below.