File:Its beginning to feel a lot like christmas (2107947369).jpg

I got this in an email today and thought it would suit this photo.

A MUMS LETTER TO SANTA

Dear Santa, I've been a good mum all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of choc bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except  purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap  in  the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of  the  lolly aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh  month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint  resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a  television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking  animals;  and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the 
crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll  that says, "Yes,  Mummy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't  fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way  up without  the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in  the living room" and "Take your hands  off your brother," because my  voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can  only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough  time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the  luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being  served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare tomato sauce a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family. Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the  door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat  too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MUM...!